Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
