you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
