I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
