I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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