i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
