Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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