We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
