Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
