my sisters under your porch take her home
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
