I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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