don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
