1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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