We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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