addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
