david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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