I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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