In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
