I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
