Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
