Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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