Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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