"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How does it feel to date your dad?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
