I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
