She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize