I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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