i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
