If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
