dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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