you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
