Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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