we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
