i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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