He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
