Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
