you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
