I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
