Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
