you guys were way drunker than both of me
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize