hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
