I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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