I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
