my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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