she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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