look no pants
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
