Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
