Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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