ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
