I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
