i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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