You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
