i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
