i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
