I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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