It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
