So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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