He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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