my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
