i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
