Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
