I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize