that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
