You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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