I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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