i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
