She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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