yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
