do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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