I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This is my gift to your gina
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
