if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
