the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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