Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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