I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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