The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
