Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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