Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
