You just made me feel so damn special
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
