just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
