Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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