The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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