so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
