i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
