apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
