Well apparently he's into motor boating.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
