took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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