I accidentally had phone sex last night
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
