I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
