I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
