so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
