i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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