Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
