am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
