How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
