I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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