i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
