Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
