if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
