So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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