I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
