So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
