K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
