my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
