it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
