I accidentally burped into my bong.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize