Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
