yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
