Girls should come with a carfax report
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
