Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
