I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
