I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
