I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You took a bar mat shot.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
