just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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