bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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