Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
time to smoke my breakfast
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We had sex on a dog bed..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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